Well, I'm not...you know the routine.
I say "I'm not a poet", and then sometimes people say "but you keep writing poems - you seem like a poet to me." And then I come in and say something like "I don't know much about how to do meter or rhyme - I just try to bare my soul and write what's on my heart."
Poetry has been a way for me to turn off the filters and be raw and honest. And before you read my latest poem, I wanted you to know that this is what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to show the most honest thoughts I've had about God and prayer and faith (whether recent thoughts or thoughts I've had in my past) - without filter, and without worrying what people will think or how they'll judge me for having had those thoughts. And I think about how, according to Matthew, Jesus said you must become like a little child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. So maybe that's what I'm doing here. I dunno, it's my best guess at what he might have meant by that - and isn't that all any of us can do?
Letters to God
Dear God:
Are you really listening?
And does it matter what I say?
A certain writer wrote
That a certain son of yours said
That you know what I need before I ask.
And if that's so, what's the point in asking?
Is it just to stroke your ego?
Dear God:
They tell me you really care about who has sex with whom.
Why is that so important to you?
And if men on men or women on women make you so mad,
why do you let them come out that way?
Why not just make them all with hetero desire?
But really, who is it hurting?
Are you really like us - grossed out by anything different or unique?
Dear God:
They tell me Jesus is you.
They also said you couldn't forgive our sins without blood.
They said this was because you were so Holy.
Why does "Holy" sound like "bloodthirsty"?
And if Jesus is you, how does sacrificing yourself to yourself help anything?
And if Jesus said to forgive without demanding payment,
Why can't you?
Dear God:
Do you actually have a penis?
And if not, why does occasionally saying "She" make you so mad?
Or is all of that nonsense written by men with small imaginations?
Are you more like the Force?
Or consciousness itself, saturating and permeating everything in the Universe?
Or are you the Universe itself?
Or something else entirely?
Dear God:
Why won't you talk to me?
Or give me a clear sign?
They say you talked to a lot of people in the Bible,
And you even did some cool magic tricks.
I'd like to see that.
Call me doubting Thomas if you want,
But even he got to touch the holes.
Dear God:
If you really made everything,
And if you really know everything,
And if you really are Love,
Why does it hurt so much?
I don't have that power and I don't know everything,
And my love isn't perfect like they say yours is.
But when I see someone I care about hurting, it makes me mad.
It makes me want to do something about it.
Where are you when it hurts?
Why aren't you flipping tables right now?
Dear God:
How am I doing?
Did I get any of it right?
I know when I've messed up.
I hope you have more patience with me than some of your followers.
Do you really love me?
And if so, why?
And if so, how do I know?
And if so, won't you please visit?
Dear God:
Say hi to my Dad.
Tell him I miss him.
So much.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I believe in you.
But I believe in him.
I know he was good.
And I know he loved me.
And whether you're what he thought you were or not,
He loved you.
Maybe that's why I keep trying to.
Dear Dad:
I love you.
