Deconstruction

Well, I'm not a poet. But I felt like writing this: 

Deconstruction

I was born totally depraved
Or so they say
My own mind could not be trusted
I must bend and accept the word of authority

My soul was sick
Or so they said
And while I had no symptoms then
They poured their fear into me and ill I became

But you showed me what love was
Taught me it was supreme
You showed me what it meant to accept someone
Even when "heretical" they might be

My sins, so great, demanded blood

Hell's flames licked at my heels with every step

For I knew, I feared God but did not love

How could I love one who would torment endlessly?

 

I simulated worship and adoration

Scanning to see if my performance satisfied

My friendships were skin-deep

I couldn't share my deepest self

 

When I fled, I knew I was lost

Knowing not who I was nor how to find "me"

You loved me just as I was - I was "son"

A constant reassuring truth

 

Who am I? Am I what they said about me?

Am I only the things I say and do?

Am I only the things I know and believe?

I was lost, restless, grieving my absent sense of self

 

And then I saw her - her face shone like the sun

I loved her and she loved me

And I hurt her and she hurt me

But you had taught me - love never fails - and we prevailed

 

And then came the day my son was born

I held his tiny body in my arms 

And when I looked at his face I knew you better - I was "father"

I knew what it meant to love someone who couldn't give anything in return

 

"God is love" and "perfect love casts out fear"

These became my creed

Love was all I wanted to be

Love, the name of my innermost being

 

Love was the only true thing in my past

Love, the only truth in my future

Love behind me, love before me

And all I can say to you is: thank you Dad