Thursday, December 20, 2012

Time for an episode of "Fear and Paranoia"!

And now it's time to play "Fear and Paranoia"!  Let's remind our contestants how to play: just blame some random person or group you don't like for all the problems in our world!  For example, you might use the following structure: I blame (group or person you hate here) because they (action you don't like) so we should (your political goal here)!  The political action part is really just for bonus points, though - you don't even need to provide a solution, just get people scared.  Today's subject is the Newtown Shootings. 

Ok, who's first?  Oh's Westboro Baptist...let me guess, you blame Homosexuals for the Newtown Shootings because they called down God's judgement?  Sorry, it's been done before - you're not allowed to use the same play in multiple rounds!  You are disqualified.  Next - National Review?  Ok, go.

"It's the feminists' fault!"

Oooooh!  Good one!  National Review blamed women for the shooting because they're weak, and proposes that we put more macho men in schools!  What an overly simplistic and naive solution, full of factual errors, and it's sexist too!  1,000 points!  Who's next?  Rosenberg?

"It's John Stewart's fault!"

Oh my, this is complete genius - Jon Stewart has made fun of the mythical war on Christmas we made up in one of our earlier rounds, so what did Rosenberg do?  He blamed Stewart for the Newtown shootings because he's waging a war on Christmas!  Bonus points for tying in a previous myth!  5,000 points on the board for Rosenberg!  Next up?  Oh, we have a teamup of the Daily Caller, Fox News, Breitbart, and Glenn Beck.  This is going to be good.  What's your play?

"It's the government's fault for profiling white men!"

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!  They have ingeniously turned around a statement that pointed out the imbalance and ineffectiveness of racial profiling into racism against white people!  10,000 points!!!!!

Thank you for tuning in this week for "Fear and Paranoia", and remember - be afraid!  Be very, very afraid!

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